May 20, 2004 (TAP) -- In a surprise announcement today, CBS Chairman Les Moonves said his network will launch a new series, "The Clintons" to compete with NBC's "West Wing", the show about a lovable imaginary liberal president.

Mr. Moonves said he will hire some of the cast members of the failing liberal talk-radio network, Air America. Right now Air America has been reduced to a dedicated audience of Mr. Bob, Mr. Fifty, Ms Commonsense and Ms Judy.

Air America first got kicked out of its offices in Chicago and Los Angeles; then announced that its CEO was resigning; then forced out and replaced its director of programming; and, finally, had its board chairman and vice chairman both quit on the same day.   

CBS has already begun shooting on a script that presents "a balanced and nonpartisan view" of the Clinton years, similar to the unbiased presentation of NBC's liberal President Bartlet of the West Wing show.

Al Franken and Barbra Streisand will star as The Clintons, with Janeane Garofalo as Chelsea and Sean Penn, in a whimsical role, as Sox the Presidential cat. Newt Gingrich will be played by Carrot Top in a cameo role. Academy Award-winning documentarist Michael Moore will direct.

Mr. Moonves said that despite the well-known liberal leanings of the cast and crew, "the series will be a historically accurate story."

"This was very important for me, to document everything and give a very fair point of view," said Mr. Moonves.

The Assorted Press has acquired' a copy of the final shooting script for "The Clintons". Here are some of the key scenes in this "utterly objective" movie:

-- Hillary Clinton (Barbra Streisand) gulps for air as her husband tells her about how Monica Lewinsky is part of a "vast rightwing conspiracy."

-- In a tearful scene, the President (Al Franken) admits that a childhood fear of analgesics led him to order the bombing of an aspirin factory.

-- Newt Gingrich (Carrot Top) sneaks into the White House, under cover of darkness, and hides the billing records from the Rose Law Firm to embarrass the First Lady.

-- Mr. Clinton urgently and repeatedly warns his successor, George W. Bush (Will Ferrell), about the danger posed by Osama Bin Laden's al Qaeda terror network.

-- The people of South Korea kneel before a statue of Mr. Clinton and former President Jimmy Carter, honoring them for ridding the Korean peninsula of nuclear weapons forever.

-- Israelis and Palestinians join hands by the thousands and sing "God Bless America," in gratitude for the Clinton-brokered peace accords which finally brought security.

Editorial note: CBS, is the same network that once wanted to show the made for TV movie, "The Reagans", a film about the Reagans in office as seen by the left with the two lead roles played by leading Hollywood liberals and Democrat activists.

Assorted Press entertainment and cultural reporters, Ivana Tinkle and Brandon Irons contributed to this report.

Copied Right 2004, The Assorted Press - "Hey, we are just as accurate as the NY Times and the other AP."