Assorted Press CEO Stays On Despite Scandal

By The Assorted Press

May 2004 (TAP) – Fritz Hartmann said he would remain in his post overseeing the work of the vast editorial staff at the Assorted Press despite accusations of plagiarism and "quote fabrication."

The scandal at the Assorted Press is just the most recent to hit a media outlet. The New York Times, the Washington Post and USA TODAY have all been inflicted with plagiarism problems recently.

Fritz, as friends know him, the ordinarily reclusive and uneducated Internet poster is the CEO and also occupies the top editorial seat at the Assorted Press. Fritz has ordered an immediate in-house investigation into his questionable practices.

"It has come light recently that some of my articles may contain paraphrased quotes, made up stories or even outright fabrications," the editor said in a tersely-worded news release he posted at the well known Right Minds Forum. "I take full responsibility for all of my illegal actions. And now it's time for the Assorted Press to move on and get past all of this mea culpa business."

Following the lead of Jayson Blair formerly of the NY Times and other well known plagiarists, Mr. Hartmann would like to write a book detailing how he made-up news articles and misled trusting posters in several Internet fora.

Hartmann says, “I can have this book finished in a matter of weeks because I have found a way to drastically reduce the normal research and documentation required for writing such a book.  Paraphrased quotes, made up stories and more outright fabrications should do the trick”.

(Attorney Dewey Cheatem of the law firm Dewey Cheatem and Howe contributed to this report.)

Copied right 2004, The Assorted Press & Hans Wurst Inc.