Some in DNC Urge Michael Jackson to Replace John Kerry

 

The Assorted Press 

April 23, 2004 (TAP)-- Some insiders at the Democrat National Committee (DNC) have reportedly urged Michael Jackson, the composer, choreographer and friend of children, to consider replacing the failing John Kerry in a White House bid.

Mr. Jackson, with a grand jury indictment this week has near-universal name recognition and his morals and character are more in line with former President Bill Clinton. He would immediately have an edge over Senator Kerry at the coming Democratic convention.

"Based on the media coverage, we have determined that Mr. Jackson is the major public figure of our time," said an unnamed DNC official. "While George Bush was talking to the nation about the importance of the continued war on terrorism, the headlines were all about Michael."

"Although we don't know where he stands on the issues, that's no obstacle" the DNC source added. "We have John Kerry right now who is still developing his strongly-held beliefs which will change by weeks end.

The important thing is that people know Michael Jackson's name, which would put him way ahead of Kerry. It's been a long time since a Jackson has occupied the White House, and we think the time has come again. Jesse tried, but we think Michael can make it."

Mr. Jackson is scheduled to make a major policy address to MoveOn.org next month.


Jacque Strappe, political reporter for TAP contributed to this report.

Copyrite, The Assorted Press & Macht nichts Inc, 2004

NOTE: The following excerpt from the New York Times is not a parody.




Grand Jury Indicts Michael Jackson

LOS ANGELES, April 21 — A grand jury in Santa Barbara indicted Michael Jackson on Wednesday on charges of child molesting, making it a virtual certainty he will stand trial in a case brought by prosecutors in December, officials said.

Mr. Jackson had originally been accused of seven counts of sexually abusing a boy, now 14, and of two counts of giving him alcohol as part of the molesting. The Santa Barbara district attorney's office said the acts occurred early last year at Mr. Jackson's ranch, Neverland, about 25 miles north of Santa Barbara. A conviction could bring a 20-year prison sentence.......