The Assorted Press

Democrats Interview Dean and Others For Top Job

By Blitz Wolfer

Jan 23, 2005 SACRAMENTO (TAP) -- Candidates vying to lead the Democratic National Committee, including former presidential candidate Howard Dean, pledged Saturday to wrest power from the Neo-Conservative dominated GOP and return The White House and Congress to control of the progressive Democratic Party.

The candidates are competing for the votes of 447 members of the Democratic National Committee, who will choose the successor to outgoing DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe on Feb. 12.

Besides Dean, the contenders include former Communist party activist Earl Browder, New Socialist Network President Norman Thomas, former CBS anchor, Dan Rather, Democrat intellectual leader Michael Moore, former Democratic presidential candidates Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.

The forum drew 65 voting DNC members but was dominated by a noisy contingent of so-called "Deaniacs" led by Bob Shishka the important (in his own mind), Internet poster. Dean's presidential effort was largely defined by his fiery anti-war rhetoric and TV scream.

Dean focused his remarks on bread-and-butter party-building matters, such as asking George Soros for additional money to help support more grass roots anti-America efforts. “If you give me your vote and make me your chair, I'll raise money, I'll come to your state and make sure your socialist infrastructure is supported adequately”, Dean added, "But most of all I will stand up for the Marxist values that have become part of this liberal-Democratic party."

Jackson and Sharpton repeatedly pledged that they would insist that more fried chicken and watermelon be served at future DNC meetings. Al Sharpton remarked, “Jesse and I know that Colin Powell, Condi Rice and Clarence Thomas don’t enjoy water melon, that’s because they’re not real blacks.

Michael Moore stressed his experience in making propaganda films and his support of Muslim terrorists who he referred to as the Arabian version of our own revolutionary Minute Men. "I am also tired of conceding to the aristocracy of rich corporations, big oil, the Republican Party and the crazy right wing," he said to applause.

Dan Rather described his years working at CBS and developing a strong liberal news organization dedicated to fighting the Bush family.

Earl Browder and Norman Thomas both stressed their Marxist backgrounds and “share the wealth” plans.” Why go for Communist lite” when you can have the real thing with us?”, they asked.

While Dean is far and away the best known candidate in the field, party officials say he still must make inroads among party members who fear his image as an anti-American, anti-war, pro-gay liberal could alienate voters in conservative states.

Dean seemed to be steamrolling to front-runner status in the race earlier in the week when he announced that he had secured the endorsement of the Bush bashing, Bush hating radical leftwing malcontent Democratic Party base.

 Note for our liberal visitors from TOF; welcome, this article is a parody.

A parody is a literary work imitating the characteristic style of some other work in a satirical way. 

Copiedrite 2005, The Assorted Press and “Fritz, du bist ein Spitz Bub” Inc