Scientists Urge Evacuation of Earth

The Assorted Press

April 4, 2004-- According to a statement by the Union of Concerned Scientists, an organization that has long criticized Bush administration policies on environmental issues;

"There is significant evidence that the scope and scale of the manipulation, suppression and misrepresentation of science by the Bush administration is unprecedented and unless all humans are evacuated from the planet, the Earth will soon become uninhabitable.”

The new research proves that human buildings, paved areas, logging and agricultural lands are more dangerous to the biosphere than even the dread greenhouse gasses.

"We must evacuate the planet," said Dr. Al Armist, who co-authored the study. "It's the only way to make the place livable. Then of course, we can never come back, because that would just start the destruction of Mother Earth all over again."

Dr. Armist is working on a new project to develop rockets that don't emit exhaust so all humans can leave the planet "without making things worse than they already are."

Science reporter Heywood Jablowme contributed to this article.

Copyrite 2004 The Assorted Press & Knockwurst Inc

NOTE: The above Assorted Press article is a parody based on a real NY Times article. A group of scientists calling themselves the “Union of Concerned Scientists” but who are really another leftwing Bush-hating group made some wild accusation which Dr. John H. Marburger III, science adviser to President Bush, called false and in some cases "preposterous." The NY Times, the house organ for the Democrat party rushed to get this group’s allegations into print.

Fritz

Bush's Science Aide Rejects Claims of Distorted Facts

The New York Times

On line

April 3, 2004: The White House issued a detailed rebuttal yesterday to accusations by an advocacy group and 60 prominent scientists that the Bush administration had distorted or suppressed scientific information to suit its politics.

In a letter to Congress, which had requested a White House response, Dr. John H. Marburger III, science adviser to President Bush, said most of the accusations were false and in some cases "preposterous."

In February, the advocacy group, the Union of Concerned Scientists, which has long criticized administration policies on issues like biotechnology, global warming and nuclear power, released a 38-page report, finding, "There is significant evidence that the scope and scale of the manipulation, suppression and misrepresentation of science by the Bush administration is unprecedented."………..