DNC's new "Beat Bush, buy a vote for Kerry" campaign fund

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Posted by: Fritz ® 04/04/2004, 13:01:34

$50 Million in Contributions Flood New DNC Fund The Assorted Press April 4, 2004 (TAP) -- The New York Times has reported that contributors flooded the phone banks and web site of the Democrat National Committee. The deluge of giving goes into a fund called "Beat Bush, Buy a Vote for Kerry". "Every penny of these donations will be used to buy candy, food, cigarettes, liquor and other voter education materials," said DNC Chairman Terry McAuliffe. "These love offerings will enable us not only to drive the homeless to the polls but to purchase top-shelf beverages for them to enjoy on the way. We'll also visit homes for the aged and mentally ill and play high-stakes Bingo, craps and roulette with them as part of our get-out-the-vote project." The DNC chairman acknowledged that Sen. John Kerry never used such techniques before, "but since the Democrat party's moral compass is gone due to the anger and hate we feel for Bush, we'll have to do what comes naturally." Democrats will also hire subcontractors to gather last minute absentee ballots from Indians and illegals who have never voted, and "people who have been disenfranchised solely because they lack a pulse." Mr. McAuliffe announced that serious consideration was also being given to subsidizing Internet "Bash Bush" political forums like Turnleft, Move on, Democrat underground and the Patriot. Political reporter Juan Moreforderode contributed to this article. Copyrite 2004, The Assorted Press & Der alte Fritz ........................................................................................................ NOTE: The above is a parody based on an idea found in Friday's, NY Times as excerpted below. Kerry Said to Have Raised $50 Million in Last Quarter Published in the New York Times: April 2, 2004 WASHINGTON, April 2 —Senator John Kerry's campaign said today that it had raised $50 million in the last three months — more than half over the Internet — as he rode a wave of support from Democrats eager to mount an aggressive challenge to President Bush.

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