Oct. 2, 2004 (TAP) -- Unemployed welfare recipients can stay home watching TV on election day because the Democrat party has hired surrogate voters in each state to vote for John Kerry for president.

"It's such an inconvenience for some jobless Americans to actually go to the polls," said Democrat party leader Terry McAuliffe. "We wanted to make it easy for them. So, we've hired volunteers and homeless people to cast their ballots for them, we already know how they will vote."

Despite Republican complaints that the tactic may be "technically" illegal, a Clinton appointed judge, Justin Thyme, ruled today that it is permissible on the grounds that laws shouldn't stand in the way of offering compassionate help to the unfortunate among us.

Republican lawyers said they'll appeal the ruling, and are still scouring the Constitution for evidence of surrogate voting.

Copy Rite 2004, The Assorted Press, a few rights preserved

FH