Russ was pushing buttons & it was a slow news day so TAP went into the streets to ask some ordinary Americans a question
Posted by: Fritz ®

08/02/2004, 13:45:47
 
Note:
The Assorted Press has received confidential word from inside the McDonald's corporation that indicates that the world's largest restaurant chain is looking for ways to increase sales.
 
While the forum was down, we had our roving reporter go out and ask ordinary Americans what McDonalds could do to increase their appeal to consumers and increase profit margins.
We reproduce some answers here, unedited.
 
 
 
Question: "How can McDonalds increase their business?"

 
 
 
http://rds.yahoo.com/search/news/S=53720273/K=a/v=2/SID=w/l=NIR/R=16/SIG=12ajtsrsl/*-http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040729/481/ny18407291724
Hiram Firem
Anger management
consultant
 
"Get rid of that damned smell"
 
http://rds.yahoo.com/search/news/S=53720273/K=a/v=2/SID=w/l=NIR/R=2/SIG=12lgnggib/*-http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040729/ids_photos_wl/r985971604.jpg
Helen A. Handbasket
Liberal-Democrat activist
 
"Start ugly rumors about roaches at Burger King, Wendy's, etc.- Rumors work in Democrat politics"
 
http://rds.yahoo.com/search/news/S=53720273/K=Men/v=2/SID=w/l=NIR/R=12/SIG=12mppk513/*-http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040728/ids_photos_en/r2534457266.jpg
Moe Lester
Unemployed baby-sitter
 
"Clean the restroom at least once per week."
 
 http://rds.yahoo.com/search/news/S=53720273/K=a/v=2/SID=w/l=NIR/R=15/SIG=12m3u5n63/*-http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040729/ids_photos_wl/r1704844800.jpg
Mel Practice
Trial Lawyer & TAP legal advisor
 
 
"Diction lessons for teenage associates."

 
http://rds.yahoo.com/search/news/S=53720273/K=a/v=2/SID=w/l=NIR/R=19/SIG=136emvshl/*-http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/040729/photos_wl_uk_afp/040729094147_mci29qfp_photo0
Rose Tuhbeef
Professional
"token" female & friend of Fritz
 
"Charge less for the food
and make the food taste better"
Jeffery Koeshal
Bo Lingball
 
 
"One word, McEscargot"
Professional
"token" Minority
and TAP question answerer

(McDonald's officials refused comment on these answers to our question.)