By The ASSORTED PRESS (TAP)

July 4, 2004 – Noted Internet poster, Mr. Teebone, has pointed out in the influential Right Minds Forum, that John Kerry’s efforts yesterday to reach Midwestern farmers was an attempt to shed his patrician liberal image.

As the presidential campaign for 2004 heats up, candidate Sen. John Kerry in addition to the rural farm vote has also unveiled a plan to win the very important Amish vote.

Previously the U.S. Department of Labor has cracked down on family-run Amish sawmills and furniture shops for their violations of child labor laws.

As president, John Kerry said he would ask for a bill that would provide horse-powered virtual video games for newly unemployed Amish teenagers.

"An Amish child who grows up working will never relate to most of his peers in our nation," said Mr. Kerry. "We have Amish ghettos filled with industrious apprentices and young tradesman, totally isolated from the mainstream of entertainment junkies who are living the American dream, hanging out with their friends, their cell phones and their Playstations."

Mr. Kerry said his bill respects the culture of the Amish, while keeping their children safe in a lifestyle of idle leisure activities.

The games, to be provided to the Amish free at taxpayer expense, don't actually have a video screen since the Amish are traditionally opposed to the “Englisher” use of televisions, computers and most other electrically-powered or motorized devices.

Mr. Kerry’s virtual video games would simulate American football by jiggling 22 painted stones around on a wooden board, which is tied to a horse's tail to cause the occasional vibration.

Each game unit will cost taxpayers about $650, and will be manufactured in a union shop.

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