Excerpt from the New York Times, NOT a parody
June 19, 2004
Clinton Book Says Lewinksy Affair 'Dark'
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
NEW YORK (AP) -- Bill Clinton says in his new book that his affair with intern Monica Lewinsky revealed ``the darkest part of my inner life'' and led to his temporary banishment from the White House bedroom to a nearby couch.
In ``My Life,'' a copy of which was obtained by The Associated Press, the former president wrote that when he finally confessed to Hillary Rodham Clinton after months of public denials, she looked as if she had been punched in the gut. The couple started going to counseling one day a week for about a year, he said....
Mrs. Clinton has offered her own memories of the affair. In ``Living History,'' she wrote that she ``wanted to wring Bill's neck'' upon learning the truth and that at one point, Buddy the dog was the only member of the family willing to keep the president company.........
And now; the ASSORTED PRESS version of the events taking place between Bill and Hillary -- who do you believe?
Hillary Thought Actually Killing Bill Might Hurt Chances for Election
Hillary Clinton wants to be
President in 2008
The ASSORTED PRESS
June 19, 2004 (TAP) -- Bill Clinton's new book does not exactly agree with former First Lady Hillary Clinton's story that she wanted to "wring Bill's neck" when she learned her husband had lied to her about "inappropriate intimacy" with a White House intern.
However, Hillary decided not to murder the President of the United States after all, because it might distract from her plans to run for the Senate and later the presidency.
"I didn't think my murdering Bill would hurt my polling numbers," she said, "But I didn't want to spend time in court or jail when I could be out fundraising."
"Bill's story about sleeping on the couch for a month is a load of crap", Hillary added, "We both understand each other's hunger for political power and after I cried and yelled for roughly seven minutes and 37 seconds we worked out a deal. We drafted the talking points about our relationship and moved on."
In her own book, Sen. Clinton said the President woke her one morning just before his grand jury testimony and told her "the situation was much more serious than he had previously acknowledged".
"Looking back," she says, "That was the moment that sealed our special relationship, because he almost admitted that he lied to me. None of the other women ever heard him nearly confessing that. I know now that I'm his most cherished colleague."
Senator Hillary Clinton now says it's time for the country to move on and forget about her husband's sins, "after everyone buys his book, of course."
Copied Right 2004, The ASSORTED PRESS and Baron Munchausen Inc.
