| Piss poor planning produces piss poor protests -- I'm pretty pissed off at bleeding heart liberal protesters today (are we allowed to say pissed?) |  | ||
Posted by: Fritz ®  06/13/2004, 14:18:15 |
McDonald's Launching Restaurants for Protesters at Coming Political Conventions; Patriot Forum may Profit
The ASSORTED PRESS
 ASSORTED PRESS PHOTO
Patriot Forum protester
June 14, 2004 (TAP) -- To avoid offending any protesters at the coming Presidential Conventions in New York and Boston, McDonald's Corporation spokesman, Ben Dover, announced today they intend to launch liberal-style restaurants in those cities specifically for protesters.
"We looked at the demographics and it just made sense," according to Mr. Dover. "Left-wing protesters are very vocal about what they like and what they don't. If our regular customers stood in the streets shouting about their personal preferences, we'd be out there with tape recorders. These protesters have really opened our eyes to new opportunities. The new restaurants will not serve piping hot coffee, nor anything with fat, nor products containing monosodium glutamate (MSG), nor anything that might have come from a mad cow. No food or beverage containers will be made from Styrofoam, nor paper, nor plastic. Employees will earn $45,000-$75,000 per year with a 20 hour work week, full medical, dental, psychiatric and drug rehab care. Women will earn more than men, racial minorities more than Caucasians, homosexuals more than heterosexuals, prisoners on work release more than Boy Scouts, and handicapped people more than the apparently able-bodied. McDonald's will also not allow smoking, nor fur-wearing, nor weapons of any kind. There will be no drive-up window to discourage the burning of fossil fuels, and the restaurants will actually be simple tent-like structures erected on lands free of endangered species, toxic waste and Native American burial grounds. The news release did not divulge what the restaurants would serve, but suggested that focus groups are looking at several potential names, including: McTolerance, McTouchy-McFeely and McVictim. About 110 percent of every sale will go to the Patriot Political Forum, MoveOn.com, DemocratUnderground.com, Michael Moore films, the National Organization for Women, the National Gay and Lesbian Task force and Jesse Jackson." Copied Right 2004, The ASSORTED PRESS and Ach du lieber Fritz Inc Modified by Fritz at Sun, Jun 13, 2004, 14:25:02 |