The following is from an actual Associated Press headline:

A Joking Campaigning Kerry Takes Off in New Plane

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
 
May 25, 2004 WASHINGTON (AP) -- Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry launched his new campaign plane Tuesday and poked fun at himself, joking that ``in the event of an emergency, my hair can be used as a flotation device.''……

The following is a follow up story from the more accurate Assorted Press on the new “jokester” and “regular” guy, John Kerry:

Kerry Gives Slapstick Performance at Dem Fundraiser

By The Assorted Press

May 25, 2004 (TAP) -- Sen. John Kerry has reinvented his stodgy persona, and political insiders John Haag and Mr. Bob say the new "slapstick" Kerry is a shoo-in to win the election in November.

After prominent Internet poster, Issodhos noted Sen. Kerry's more relaxed attitude while boarding his new campaign plane, the presidential candidate went on to "raise the bar" at a fundraising dinner.

First, Kerry stumbled up the stairs of the dais, briefly disappearing behind a table. Then he popped up wearing fake nose-and-mustache glasses with a faux arrow that appeared to pierce his cranium and emerge from the other side.

Pausing before his speech to sip some water, Kerry pretended not to notice as much of the fluid dribbled onto his shirtfront. A wave of guffaws rolled across the audience of Patriot forum left-wingers, who had come to see the man they want to beat President Bush.

When Kerry brushed the water stain with his hand, his necktie rolled up like a window shade. The heroic war veteran who won 3 purple hearts in four months shook his head violently causing his pendulous dewlap to quiver as he made the sloppy-jowl sound employed by many animated cartoon characters and large drooling dogs.

(Editorial note: The non-partisan canine, “Baron” asked specifically not to be compared to the horse-faced Kerry in anyway.)

"The aloof, imperious John F. Kerry didn't stand a chance," commented former Dean supporter Mr. Bob "But this joker Kerry has what it takes to beat Bush."

Copied Right 2004, The Assorted Press