BONGO, NIGERIA – In a historic triumph for Nigeria's African-African community, Jesse Sharpton, a black man, was elected president Thursday.
"Today is a great day for the people of Nigeria," Sharpton told a cheering crowd in his acceptance speech. "But even more so, today represents a tremendous victory for Nigeria's scam artist community, who came to the polls in full force to put one of their own in power."
Addressing the largely black crowd, Sharpton, who ran a Internet e-mail scam operation from 1998 to 2005, pledged to defend the interests of the nation's sizable black community. Among his chief campaign promises was to increase funding for computers in Nigeria's inner cities, outer cities, and middle cities–areas with a high concentration of blacks.
"I grew up in an extremely poor, all-black section of Bongo and attended schools that were overcrowded and lacked computers," Sharpton said. "For many blacks of my generation, the experience was the same. I want every member of the current generation of black youths to learn the latest in preparing and sending e-mail to the United States using state-of-the-art scam mail. We must leave no child behind."
As a further measure, Sharpton said he planned to declare April "Black History Month." Throughout the month, he said, the nation will celebrate "the remarkable and oft-overlooked contributions of Nigerians of color."
"This election is a great step forward for black Nigerians," Sharpton said. "But there is much work to be done: A shocking 50 percent of our nation's blacks earn an income below the national average. The ever-present specter of black-on-black violence continues to loom over our communities. Our prison population is virtually 100 percent black."
The Sharpton win, which many are calling the greatest political victory for black Nigerians since the previous election, did not come easily. "The black vote is often the key to Nigerian elections," said Leroy Ughegbe, a reporter for the New York Times, an American newspaper.
Throughout the presidential campaign, Jesse Sharpton promised that, if elected, he would appoint a significant number of majorities to his cabinet, creating "a government that looks like Nigeria."
Copiedrite 2006, The Assorted Press, not really racist, - based on an idea from the Onion.