January 24, 2006 (TAP) — Led by Senators Leahy and Kennedy, Democratic members of the Senate Judicial Committee demanded that the "Bill of Rights" to the U.S. Constitution be changed to reflect a more "main stream" version to fit today's America.

Senator Kennedy said the new document should demonstrate the commitment of leaders to a “progressive and free America.”

The following is the Democratic draft of a new bill of rights to accompany the soon-to-be-released new U.S. Constitution…

1 — Congress shall make no law without the approval of the Democratic National Committee nor shall anyone speak, nor publish anything, nor assemble peaceably without DNC approval.

2 — A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the maintenance of the state, the right of the people to keep and bear slingshots shall not be abridged.

3 — No American Soldier shall be allowed to protect America by engaging in war against terrorism.

4. — The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable seizures is okay unless the government really needs your property for higher tax rates.

5 — No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, committed in the name of Liberalism.

6 — In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial and a Democratic judge of that person's choice.

7 — In Suits at law, the right of trial and endless appeals for convicted murderers is okay if said murderer writes children's stories (the Tookie right).

8 — Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, unless the person involved is a conservative.

9 — The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall be construed to mean anything that Senator Kennedy says it does.

10 — The powers not delegated to Democratic Congressmen by the Constitution are hereby delegated to liberal Hollywood celebrities or Marxist university professors.

Copiedrite 2006, The Assorted Press and Fritz