NY Times Message to Muslim Rioters: "We're liberals, we are on your side" 

By Barry D. Hatchett

February 6, 2006 (TAP) — Sparked by the current Muslim cartoon riots the publisher of The New York Times announced that as a liberal paper, it has always been the Time's policy to take the side of anti-establishment forces. "We will not allow cartoons offensive to fundamentalist Muslims to appear in our paper. In fact we are starting a new charitable venture today called “Plug the Muslim Rioter Dignity Gap”, said Arthur Ochs Sulzberger.

"This charity campaign," said Mr. Sulzberger will eliminate Islamic rioting by providing young angry Muslims with all the trappings of Western culture.

In a full page advertisement, Times publisher Sulzberger, wrote, “We’re going tap the largesse of a great demographic slice of America, our readers, and provide these young Muslims with fine homes, sophisticated entertainment devices, fast cars, inspiring liquors and mellow cigars. We will plug the ‘dignity gap’ and thus put an end to terrorism in our times.”

“We know that radical Islam is not the problem,” said Sulzberger, “although every nation ruled by it is an incredible sewer of human despair and a well-spring of visceral anger. The real problem is that we Americans have all the good toys even though we cling to the admittedly-inferior Judeo-Christian worldview.”

Other prominent liberals acknowledged in that closing the dignity gap could be a decades-long project doomed to failure, but Sulzberger added, “that’s never stopped us liberal-Democrats from advocating an entitlement program before. Money can’t buy you love, but it can purchase a whole pile of dignity.”

Copiedrite, 2006 by The Assorted Press who asks the question; "If the bouncer gets drunk, who throws him out?"